Marriage is meant to be a sacred ritual between two people that is
supposed to last ‘until death do us part,’ but in this day in age it seems
nothing lasts forever.
Helen Butterworth, 36, a riding yard manager from Saltney has been a
single mother to her son Jack Butterworth, 18, and her daughter Megan
Butterworth, 13, for eleven and a half years.
She got married at the age of 22, and was with her husband, Kevin Butterworth, 34, for two
and a half years. “He committed adultery and with the 16-year-old babysitter
that use to sit for us. That is unforgivable,” she said. “I came home early one
night from the nursing home I worked at, because I was feeling ill, and caught
them in bed together. I thought we were happy together, but clearly he wasn’t
happy at all. Although he is not with her anymore.” Kevin use to get home at
10.00 pm and Helen started her night shift at 8.00 pm, she used to baby sit for
them over the overlapping time period. “Clearly she never went straight home
after Kevin got back to the house from work. When I look back now I don’t blame
one or the other, it takes two to make something happen and if he wasn’t happy
its probably best I caught them because who knows, I may not have found out
otherwise,” said Helen. “It is just sad to have thought we had been together
since we were 14 and in school together, and of course we have two children.”
Even though they have been divorced for 10 years they keep in
contact on a weekly basis, mainly because of their son Jack. “He goes to visit
his father most weekends and they spend a lot of time together. They have quite
a solid father-son bond.”
The divorce affected both Megan and Jack in different ways, although
Megan was only effect later on in her life because she was only 6 weeks old
when her parents got divorced. “Megan was too young to remember or feel
anything, so it had no effect on her in her early life. Although now when she
sees her cousin with her dad, she feels like she is missing out on that
father-daughter relationship. There has never been a strong father figure in
her life.” Jack on the other hand was always a ‘daddy’s boy’ said Helen, and
visits his father regularly. “It didn’t really bother me growing up without my
dad, but I guess I wish we could have had some sort of relationship now. It
doesn’t effect my day-to-day life and I hardly think about it,” said Megan.
Both children have a completely different relationship with their
father and that was Kevin’s decision. “Kevin never seemed interested in Megan,
and I really do not know why. I sometimes think it is because she was so young
when he left, so there was never really much of a relationship to begin with,”
she said. “Jack on the other hand was five and his father adored him.”
Megan felt her father never tried to have a relationship with her
and for that she does not like him. “He would be a different person to talk to
for different things, and I would have liked to have had a father figure, but
he never gave me the time of day.” Kevin has never made any attempt to contact
Megan but sends her the occasional gifts for special occasions.
Unlike most fathers who contribute financially to their children’s
lives, Kevin chooses not to. Helen has had an ongoing struggle get financial
support from her ex husband and involved the CSA. Unfortunately whenever they
caught up with Kevin he would change his job, in the end Helen said she gave up,
as it was not worth the hassle and constant chase. “He doesn’t contribute at
all to any holidays, food or leisure activities but they do get a Christmas present
or two. He does however take Jack out when he goes to visit at weekends,” said
Helen.
Megan has lived without her father her whole life and feels he would
not make a difference what so ever. “I have lived without him for so long, I
couldn't see him making a huge difference to who I am or my life. I have grown
up knowing no different and kind of learned to accept that it probably would
never happen, even if I wanted it to.” Although Helen has had boyfriends over
the years, none of the relationships evolved into anything serious. Megan found
it easy to bond with her mothers’ partners and could form a kind of friendship
with them, going out to the cinema and spending time together, “it was just
nice to have someone else around, it was hard when they were not there anymore.
I felt like I lost a possible father figure and a friend too,” said Megan.
The unfortunate thing about situations like Helen’s is that it affects you for the rest of your life. “I would not get married ever again, not
even if I ended up in a committed and solid long term relationship. I lost so
much when I went through my divorce, including my house amongst other things. I
have completely lost trust and faith in men and would never put myself in the
same predicament again,” she said.
Helen is now single and is concentrating on working to sustain a
happy life for her and her children, they are her main focus.